Coping Or Not
by Phoenix Moon 13
Summary: A set of drabbles, inspired the Evanescence song Hello. How is Wesley coping without Lilah?
1. Electricity

**_Coping (Or Not)_**  
**Chapter One: Electricity**

Author's Note: I feel that the Evanescence song "Hello" could be used to describe how Wesley might be feeling after Lilah died. So, as I've never attempted a drabble before, I thought I'd try that, each drabble being inspired by a line from the song.

* * *

Playground school bell rings again  
Rain clouds come to play again  
Has no one told you she's not breathing?

- _Hello_, Evanescence

* * *

Wesley stares out the window, watching storm clouds gathering over LA. He can hear the low rumble of thunder, can feel the electricity crackling in the air. It reminds him of Lilah.

Everything reminds him of Lilah.

She made him tingle and buzz all over.

He remembers seeing her laying dead in front of him even as she whispered over his shoulder.

Sometimes, he thinks he's hopelessly screwed up. Then he thinks everyone else is screwed up.

The really screwed up thing - him and Lilah - is over, but it's what he misses most

She's what he misses most.


	2. Whispers

**_Coping (Or Not)  
_Chapter Two: Whispers**

* * *

Hello, I'm your mind giving you  
Someone to talk to  
Hello

- _Hello_, Evanescence

* * *

He hears her sometimes. Whispering over his shoulder as he tries to focus on dusty books full of long dead languages. Foolish really, to listen to Lilah's voice in his head, talking to him, when she's as dead as the words on the page in front of him.

He knows he should shut down the part of his mind in which Lilah still lives. The place where she still laughs and smirks. He _knows_ that. But he can't. If he does, she's completely gone. She's gone and she's never coming back.

He's not sure if he's ready for that yet.


	3. Nightmare

**_Coping (Or Not)  
_Chapter Three: Nightmare**

* * *

If I smile and don't believe,  
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream.

- _Hello_, Evanescence

* * *

He tries not to think about the way she looked when she died. How pale she was, blood congealed on her neck.

He smiles when he remembers other times. Like the time she left him handcuffed to the bed while she watched some soap opera, with him yelling himself hoarse in the bedroom.

Or the time she wore his jeans to work because her skirt was torn to pieces, he would tease her about it and she would blush and hit him.

This has to be a dream. Lilah was too stubborn to die.

He wishes he could wake up.


	4. Lies

**_Coping (Or Not)  
_Chapter Four: Lies**

* * *

Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken.  
Hello, I'm the lie, living for you so you can hide.  
Don't cry.

- _Hello_, Evanescence

* * *

Fred tried to talk to him after they moved into Wolfram and Hart. He told her he was fine. Gave her a brave smile and told her not to worry. He didn't want to talk about Lilah with her. He didn't need to, he was fine. Really.

He sat on the leather sofa in his office and lowered his head slightly. He saw her walk into the office, sit next to him, head on his shoulder. She was so real he could almost touch her.

He wiped the tears from his eyes when he looked up and she wasn't there.


	5. Yesterday

**_Coping (Or Not)  
_Chapter Five: Yesterday**

Author's Note: The final line, in italics, is a Lilah quote. I think it might be from _Slouching Toward Bethlehem _or whichever episode in which Wes lost the bet and called what he and Lilah had a relationship.

* * *

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping.  
Hello, I'm still here,  
All that's left of yesterday.

- _Hello_, Evanescence

* * *

He was sitting in bed, trying to think of some way to make Spike corporeal again. But his mind wandered. Wandered right into the nightmare, where she was dead, he was alive, where he hadn't been able to save her.

He rubbed his eyes, leaning to open the drawer in his bedside table. He pulled out a notebook and propped it against his knees. He opened the notebook and froze as a dollar bill slid out.

It wasn't a dream. Never had been. And a signed dollar bill was all he had left. The only proof.

_"Of now. Of this."_

* * *

**_The End._**


End file.
